Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Gifted Adults

I am an older mom and kids were not identified as gifted when I was in school. I think I might have been what is called twice exceptional today because I had social anxiety issues to the point that I did not speak in school until seventh grade and very little even then. I talked a lot at home, especially to my mother. She was smarter than anyone I knew and I thought it was because she read all the time and Jeopardy was one of her favorite shows. I usually made straight A's with very little effort but I found it harder to learn when I had anxiety, especially in high school where there were fights in between classes and I was worried about getting to my next class safely. I learned more at home than at school and this was before the internet made information so accessible.

When filling out questionnaires for sensory issues for my son I noticed a few issues that I had--but they were different from the ones my son has. I never had any fine or gross motor difficulties and I could write quickly and even learned to do shorthand. I felt like my ability to write quickly and take good notes helped me in my classes which is why I worry about my son's handwriting issues. I compensated for my anxiety issues by taking good notes in school because I could write even when I had extreme anxiety and then look at the notes later if I needed to. I could also block out the anxiety once I had a test in front of me so I tested well. I learned to compensate well enough that I was able to find administrative assistant jobs right out of high school that paid well and I took college classes at night to earn a two year degree in accounting even though I didn't particularly like accounting. I was also able to work full time, take accounting classes at night, take care of a house and be a single parent to my daughter and I could "act" normal if I had to, but I still had anxiety issues.

My husband, says he doesn't think he is gifted even though I showed him the characteristics. I think he is obviously verbally gifted, is a natural leader and good with people and a problem solver. His boss says the same thing. People often mistake him for a lawyer but he does not have a law degree. He has a definite gift of gab but he looks at our son and says that he never had as good a command of the English language when he was a kid as our son does and he is happy with what our son is learning at home. My husband also has a gift for being able to fix what everyone else in the family brings to him. Just now, he came in to tell me he wished he could throw away their tools so they would just bring these things straight to him instead of messing them up because they didn't know what they were doing and it makes it harder for him. I wish he could pass on this mechanical ability to our son but our son is too busy watching You Tube to go out and watch his dad.

I think the difference is that our son has had access to the internet and lots of classic books and has been allowed to learn at his own pace without being told he was too young to learn something--except for the year he was in half-day Kindergarten where he didn't fit in because he wouldn't color in the lines. He has been encouraged to ask questions and look for answers and even though he has been through some difficult things and is still going through them he has that self confidence in his ability to speak well. He has confidence in his ability to learn anything unless, of course, it involves good motor skills, but even then he knows he can learn difficult dance routines if he is given a little extra time to allow for his motor memory issues.

My adult daughter was never identified as gifted even though she read at four and did very well in school the first few years because of her ability to learn quickly. It all changed in middle school when she was a cheerleader in middle school and she was more interested in social activities than studying. She has OCD and I think if she had been identified as gifted she would have been twice exceptional also. She also said she thinks she might have ADD but I don't know. I never tried to teach her anything. I stopped reading to her when she was four and started reading on her own. I knew nothing about different learning styles and just expected her to make good grades all the way through school even if it was boring because I was able to do it. I have learned a lot since then.

I hope that I can help my son stay on the right path but I am worried about this because we are going through some really difficult things right now. I don't know how long my husband and I will be around after he becomes an adult and we just can't afford to make any mistakes this time. We won't be able to help him like we had to help my adult daughter and my adult stepson. I worry that I might be around physically but I also worry that what happened to my mother could happen to me and if I become disabled, especially before my son is through college, he might not be able to finish college. I constantly battle fear and anxiety over this while I try to keep homeschooling my son and help my dad as much as I can deal with the fact that my mother is getting much worse and we might need to make some hard choices. I am happy that my son has decided to stay in scouts and will soon cross over to Boy Scouts. It is the only thing that he is involved in where he is with other kids. I don't know if his acting group will have enough kids left to start up again because several kids quit. This is hard because it was a multi-age group with other gifted kids so it was perfect for him.

I hate it that there isn't much help for twice exceptional kids like my son and that we have to find a way to do it on our own with limited finances. But I think my son's chances of making it on his own and doing well in college and in life are much better if he is homeschooled than if he had to go to a public school where twice exceptional kids are denied an appropriate education. My son and I just started reading a book by John C. Maxwell called Talent is Never Enough and I like what I have read so far.