I watched some show on PBS (I think) when my first was just a newborn that talked about time outs as I described them and said that they should not be--never be!--punishment. (No idea who the guy was or what the show was called. It happened to be on when I was breastfeeding every day.) His theory made such sense to me. And, yes, for the most part, the time outs of this nature worked very, VERY well for us.
DS4--the extrovert--is also my *profoundly* OE kid, so he has ultimately needed more coping tools to learn self-control. Time outs still work, but he's old enough now that I want to move beyond them except in exceptional circumstances, you know? They never worked as well for him as they did for my older child, the introvert...
My very logical DS7 learned very early how to rein himself in. There for a while when he was around 2yo, he would tell me when he needed a time out, he'd crawl on my lap, I'd hold him tightly, and then when he'd gotten through it, he'd say he was okay and get up. It just felt like it was a very healthy and positive approach for him. He was very aware of how he felt and what he needed emotionally. Was that just how he was or how he was parented? A little of both, I'm guessing. He never had the tremendous OEs that many GT kids had, so that certainly helped.
But I really do find that focusing on the lack of control rather than on the behavior per se makes it easier to handle outbursts. When you realize that these kids are just completely overwhelmed by how they feel, it makes more sense. I certainly find it easier to be sympathetic--which I tend NOT to be!--when I think about it that way, and the tantrums tend to end faster when I approach it from the standpoint of "how can I help you get control?" rather than when I just get angry and frustrated about them.
Sadly, I reacted in the latter manner for more than I care to admit with DS4. He was a real challenge for me!
It's all a learning experience, isn't it?
