I can share one small success with getting DH involved and how it happened:
DH is now afterschooling DS9 in math, and DS9, who threw world-class tantrums with all of my earlier attempts to afterschool in math with workbooks, Singapore math, or Aleks, is actually paying attention and doing the work, and having a decent attitude about it. Math isn't really DS's strong area, and he rebels at being forced to do anything he can't do perfectly or understand perfectly without any explanation. Now, he's doing the math without squabbling.
It's really just because DH finally took a look at DS's math curriculum and decided it was just not up to snuff for any child. I gave him a link to a website of another parent who had gotten a hold of the teacher guide and year-by-year curriculum, and had gone through it point by point. DH previously taught math in various public colleges around here, and was always appalled with the lack of math understanding he saw in some of his students. He suddenly realized his own son might become one of those people who didn't have automatic recall of number facts or didn't know how to do long division.
I also gave him a link to a parent site that ran through the NYS regents exam for Algebra I, and how students could get something like a 38 percent or 46 percent on a mostly multiple choice test and still pass it.
I'd previously discussed the very same issues, but it just didn't register with him until he saw it in writing from some nameless source on the internet! Also helpful, none of it was framed as a "gifted" issue.
The school uses TERC,"now re-aligned to NYS standards!" (i.e. dumbed-down to match the dumbed-down NYS NCLB tests). There is no attempt to teach the kids speed or accuracy with computing, and in the end, TERC leaves out important concepts and algorithms as well.
So,for about two weeks now, DH and DS have done Singapore Math, 4th grade A. DH didn't have him do the screening test b/c he thought it would be too disheartening for DS. He's "remediating" as they go, whenever they come across something DS hasn't learned about yet. He's doing a combination of math facts timed tests my husband generates via some website and the Singapore Math text book, workbook, and Challenging Math Problems. He's enjoying the challenging math problems!
DH thinks that DS is not crying or complaining simply because DS knows that tantrums won't work with dad. DH is also much better at teaching than I am, and endlessly patient, because he thinks anyone can "get" math if they just apply themselves enough. (After all, he got a PhD in math and he's not "gifted") LOL
bk
