It seems that the part of the brain drives them to voraciously acquire information about the world, also brings oversensitivities in thinking, "What ifs." They're just wired that way. I'd wager that the higher the IQ, the more hypersensitive they are. This is one of the sources of stress for us as parents; these episodes create more jobs for us, dragging us along on the rollercoaster of their emotional upheavals. I think it's important for parents to take breaks, dates if you will, as they need breaks from the intensity. Ours is 27 now and it was a hard road, but worth it now that he's a wonderful adult and soon-to-be prof. Also, I'd wager that the more hypersensitive ones are also the most argumentative and exacting.
When I told my son that I was not gifted he said it was not true. He said I was very gifted at coming up with "scenarios." Being hypersensitive and constantly thinking about the "what-ifs" feels like the only characteristic I share with my son and with me it got out of control.
The things my son fears come from experiences that left him with too many what-ifs. I believe his fear of being in water that is over his head and learning to swim comes from the neighbor boy drowning in a backyard pool. I believe the fear of the dark and people breaking into our house is partly because his sister has a good friend who was a victim of a home invasion. My daughter's friend survived but his roommate did not. As long as my son has a plan for dealing with those what-ifs he is usually okay, but then he can usually think of something else that would be difficult to prepare for. My daughter is the same way and when she had a stalker (and my son heard about this) her fears got bad enough that she moved and things got better, but then there was someone breaking into apartments of young women in her apartment complex and raping them. She took care of that fear by letting her boyfriend, a 6'5" bodybuilder move in with her and she feels safer now. How do you tell a smart kid that okay, this horrible thing happened to people you know, but it won't happen to you.
I honestly don't think it would have helped me to get a babysitter because I would have spent any free time worrying about what would I do if my husband's cancer comes back and I had to finish raising my son on my own. He has 3 months to go before he will be considered to be in remission. I have had people tell me that they knew people whose cancer came back in those last few months and they died. I don't know why they felt they needed to tell me this. I don't know why my sister-in-law, a college professor, felt she needed to tell me that I might be at higher than average risk for having a stroke and developing dementia. I keep doing a lot of "what-ifing" when it comes to my son. What if something happens to me and my twice-exceptional child has to go back to public school with the bullies. How do I know if he is learning the right things so that he can go to college?
And I worry that my hypersensitivities will cause my son's hypersensitivities for be even worse.
I need to hear about people who made it through to the other side of the parenting journey with a hypersensitive gifted child and that the child turned out okay, so thanks for posting about your experiences.
