Thanks you all so much for the support. The last few weeks have been very stressful for all of us as we try to get a handle on what is going on. Having this wonderful forum to vent my concerns helped a lot to get back to feeling like I can make informed and productive decisions instead of being stuck neck deep in sludge.
First, Dottie, I HAVE been relapsing back into gifted denial... If the work load is too much then maybe he really isn't gifted and maybe we really are putting all this pressure on him and are pushy hot housing parents.... Thanks for the very nice knock on the head that we can't forget that those darn processing speed and working memory issues are going to create bottlenecks. The squirrel in my brain is running in very fast circles trying to figure out how to deal with the concept that the comprehension and reasoning is there, but the ability to get that information out of his head and onto paper is not. That seems to me to be an extreme frustration. Add into the mix that DS is a perfectionist and will not try if he can't get it done to his level of satisfaction I do see the problem. We keep trying to chip away at the perfectionist problem. We use keyboarding and dictation and as many tools at home as we can to help him get through the assignments. But that doesn�t help at school. They do offer him help with organization (keeping his desk neat and bringing home assignments.)
In terms of delays, DS does not qualify for special services for processing speed and working memory. He is not 25% delayed for his age level. I don't have the numbers in front of me today, but if memory serves there is at least a 30-45 point spread between his processing speed and working memory scores and his VCI and PRI. But I do think that that the marking time in the status quo is an issue as well. With a slightly clearer head, I can see that putting both together I should have been more prepared for this fall out.
BTW � How goes karate? Our family loves it 
Jool, thanks for the link. I�m working my way through them again . I also did call his Pediatrician and have a blood test scheduled to check for problems as well as an appointment.
Grinity, as always you are a source of calm and support. His current school is being really good at trying to find options for him. We are working on some options for next school term (putting him with the teacher he has for 5th grade math who is already doing independent work with him) as well as some quick interventions now (such as easing back a bit on neatness). At the moment we aren�t sure if we will be moving or staying in this district a bit longer. We have to see how the job situation works out in this economy.
There aren�t any private schools in a drivable distance that can offer anything more. In fact most don�t even want to talk to us after the initial talks. Once they see his scores, they fade away pretty fast.
We do after schooling when time permits. Unfortunately, by the time the assigned homework is done, DS is in no mood to do more school (Homework can take up to 3 hours if it is heavily writing based.) I agree that social isn�t enough of a reason not to make changes, but to make the changes, I need some better alternatives. DS is a bit emotionally immature, not particularly good at seat work, and has no sense of time management. So far none of the interventions (timers, stopwatches, breaking down assignments) seem to help him get a sense that the process of completing a task by a deadline means starting with more time than you think you need to get it done.
Ds is already doing 5th grade reading in his reading group. Although he has the comprehension for higher, he doesn�t have the ability to get his ideas out on paper coherently. This leads into why we consider homeschooling 
Ah, Kriston, DS is well aware that the final decision will be made by the parents  That in itself causes a bit of a problem since he is less willing to tell us the full story when things aren�t going right. Playdates seem to be really hard to schedule at this age. All involved seem to have too much homework on school days and all the activities, sports, and family catch-up on weekends. We seem to connect with other families maybe once a month when schedules work out.
Thanks again all for your support and concern!
Also welcome Daremarc  I hope that you get the information and help you need from the board!
