I think a lot of it can come down to distinguishing needs from wants... A kid needs to be educated (not miserable, not stagnating) but doesn't need to have every little thing suited to him alone just because he wants it. And I suspect that a kid whose needs are being met can gain the perspective that wants can be sacrificed for the greater good... but that a kid who is constantly asked to sacrifice his needs is going to be resentful and miss that lesson... and not have the emotional energy to deal with rare occasions of needing more than he gets.
Bringing it back to the food analogy, every child needs to be fed (and starving your own doesn't help anyone else), but if what we have is a pb&j and you really wanted chicken nuggets, well that's just too bad. A child needs to be fed healthy meals, but he doesn't need to love every single one of them.
I could quote this whole post because I think it's all right on the mark. But I really like the "needs vs. wants" take here. I think that's so key! Thanks for posting that, Erica.
