KaT said:
Yes, absolutely!!! As parents, we naturally are always in constant awe and amazement over what our kids can do - and some PG parents like me do take our time to realize that what our kids can do is more than the usual cause for all the hoopla and that they have special needs when it comes to learning. I sometimes think about if I could've done any better for my son had I been more aware and taken action for him at an earlier stage, like when he was a baby or a toddler -- but I too worry about his ego somewhat lol. If I had been more aware earlier, then so would he, and he sometimes has a habit of telling everyone that he's a genius, and I remember there was a period where I had to explain to him what humility was about and that being "gifted" doesn't mean he's better than anyone else, it just means he learns in a different way. Nowadays, when people ask him what grade he's in, he always answers "3rd grade, I skipped 2nd", and I'd tell him he can always just say 3rd grade, but he replies with "but I want to tell them that".
Oh yes - the ego thing!
I would highly reccomend reading anything by Sylvia Rimm. She very correctly points out that one of the best ways of shaping childrens behavior is to let them overhear you saying good things
about them. Focus on what a hard worker he is, how persistient, how much he loves a challenge, both with the calm, moderate praise you tell him directly, in the things he overhears you say to others. This really works wonders. I make little signs to remind myself. Part of the reason that kids walk around saying "I'm a genius" is that when they are such little things, they can attract so much attention for percosious abilities, which they didn't work for. So for all the Mom's of toddlers reading this, when the next well meaning stranger praises an innate ability, smile and invert it into "Yes she loves to learn," or "Yes she's a hard worker," or "I'm very proud of the way she listens so carefully." Remember the whole point of behaviorism is that we reward behaviors that we want to increase - that means that the behavior must be under the child's control. "good listening, perserverance and delaying gratification are something a child can try to increase. Reading or speaking or computing earlier than expected is a developmental path, not something a child performs at will. If you feel that your child is hooked on Adult attention (and who can blame them when placed amoung agemates for long hours at young ages?) the particular book might be quite useful:
http://www.sylviarimm.com/whybrightkids.htmlAs for the "I skipped 2nd" that's a bit tougher. Deb Ruf talks about a
praise deficit that many gifted children (and at least one adult-me) have, where after being expected to do work that is designed to help them learn what they already know, they really really really don't ever want anyone to make that mistake again. Many kids also have the experience of being full of wonderful ideas, that when they try to share, go flat, because the agemates (and sometimes the Teacher) have no idea what they are talking about.
You did a great job getting him to the serious Yu-gi-oh tournaments because there he could get lots of chances to lose, but to lose to people who respect him and understand him. That is a wonderful chance to experience postive compitition.
Enjoy!
Trinity
