Three thoughts (but no answers
so take it FWIW
First, I doubt that teacher conference day will give you enough time to actually have the discussion you want. Ours are usually only about 10 minutes and are often rushed because things are running behind. I don't think it is a good venue for a real conversation.
Second, kids sometimes experience and report things differently than how they actually happened. I often get upset about something DS reports, but when I speak to the teacher there was a more reasonable explanation. So I would try to find it in myself to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Third, a little time to settle down before meeting is probably a good idea, but I wouldn't let it drag out. If she really is undermining your daughter's confidence, then it should be addressed sooner rather than later.
