Wow Becky C - that must have been so scary! I'm really glad to hear that things are improving.
I have some thoughts - my son (now 12) was stressed beyond his limits just from long hours of exposure to agemates, and teachers with agemates expectations, by the time he was 5. The signs were there at 4, but we always found a way to 'help him cope' without actually addressing the problem. He is a 'summer birthday' boy in a neighborhood where the boys are routinely held back a year in kindy (redshirted) - so he was the youngest male in his 21-child 2nd grade room, and he was absolutly expected to have the fine and gross motor skills of the boys who were 18 months older than himself. I hated that. But by 2nd grade he really needed a full skip to have some kind of challenge at school in addition to the challenge of caused by physical maturation which, while normal for his age, was very difficult for him to live with.
If there had been an local (enough) private school for 'beyond MG' gifted kids, so that he could have had deep conversations, and lots of relaxed penmanship practice, that would have been idea, and a gradeskip wouldn't have been even considered. Sadly, no such alternative existed, so we asked for the skip. In our case, even with test scores that got him into the YSP, the school saw him as a cranky (spoiled) bright kid, nothing unusual, and denied even subject acceleration. They really wanted him to 'behave' and believed that their role was to point out his inability to cope with the situation, and train him to cope with it.
They were also open to 'enrichment' because they believed that they could met the needs of every child in each classroom. They did a lot of special assignments for him, and he responded beautifully to each. It's really hard with one's own child not to see an improvement and be grateful and 'leave it at that.'
Anyway, but the end of 4th grade, he was totally used to not being challenged, and though it was his 'right' not to have to work hard in school. He had many friends, who he loved entertaining with is 'creativity.' He was older and better able to 'sit,' although people routinely thought he had 'something wrong with him.' He felt so allied to his friends! Yet still he was heavily masking himself to keep those friends.
I switched him to private school, hoping for an increased challenge, and got the gradeskip within a month! He had the intellectual skill, but not the organizational skill or work ethic. He played catch up for two years. The teachers worked really, really hard with him. It was very intense, and expensive.
I guess I would say that if your professional suggests that a gradeskip is nescessary, then doing it sooner rather than later is better. You daughter may need a gradeskip AND subject accelerations in various subjects. At this point my son is back in public school, summmer birthday + redshirting + gradeskip and has a nice bunch of friends to hang with, is doing well with academics, and happy.
It's been beaten into our heads that all children develop at a particular rate, and that to be happy, one has to be with agemates. We adults don't only choose to be friends with other adults who are within 1 year of our age! Why? Because we adults are presumed to already be developed. I'm here to say that our kids are a whole lot of different ages, and will need to be friends with many many kids of many different ages.
I would suggest spending time reading the posts here, where lots of kids need 2 or more year age gaps to find normal classrooms where they can face the normal childhood challenges.
I would suggest spending time inside a 1st grade, 2nd grade and 3rd grade classroom, perhaps an hour each, and observe the children and the teachers, just to assure yourself that the child you know so well wouldn't be 'swamped' with the older rooms.
Remember that schools aren't often aware of the difference between a bright child who is strong-willed, and a child who is beyond the average 2/3 of gifted kids and acting out due to having to put up with the abuse of not really ever having to work hard enough to develop work ethic. School won't ever be like piano lessons, but many have found that with some flexibility, grade skips, subject accelerations, afterschooling, that the fit is 'good enough.'
Smiles,
Grinity
