I'm sorry that he's having so much trouble. My eldest (genetically female, identifies as male), also on the spectrum, started acting similarly right around puberty, and has made a lot of progress on a combination of Prozac and Seroquel - but if you don't want to start meds, that won't help you much. You might look for self-guided CBT workbooks aimed at teens, and then work through them with him yourself.

Good luck.