It sounds like yes, it's time to change schools - but also sounds like your dd might benefit from a more thorough understanding of her challenges. That's a large gap between processing speed and verbal IQ, and you've also noted she has challenges with fine and gross motor. I can't diagnose (either online or in person - I'm only a parent lol!), but fwiw, my ds has a similar large processing speed dip as well as gross and fine motor challenges - he's diagnosed with Developmental Coordination Disorder, dysgraphia and also has an expressive language challenge. When he was in elementary school, prior to diagnosis, he refused to complete classroom work that we knew he was *way* ahead of in terms of his cognitive understanding. The key is really understanding what's happening that's triggering behavior. Getting an accurate diagnosis helped us tremendously, as well as our ds' increasing ability to communicate what was bothering him as he got older. I mention the Developmental Coordination Disorder because some of the symptoms overlap with both ADHD and ASD - I'm not sure why you've questioned those diagnoses, but if it's been several years since your dd has had an evaluation that looks at the whole child, not at one specific diagnosis, it might be a good idea to consider another eval. If you feel confident with the evals you've had and feel confident that you know how to properly remediate and accommodate, then ignore all of what I said
JMO, but I think there's a middle ground between where I think you're at (get her into a gifted and challenging program and things will get better) and where I think your dh is at (she needs to learn how to cope with academics where she's at before you put her in a gifted program)... you need to understand what her challenges are and what tools she can use in a classroom to either work through them or get around them, then put her in an environment where she can be successful while learning to work with her accommodations, and that will open up a world of opportunities for her to then be placed with intellectually gifted peers. Hope that makes sense.
Best wishes,
polarbear
