Hi eco,
Sorry you are still struggling.
I remember some of your posts and I am wondering if, even if you were to get an IEP, is the school so incompetent that they wouldn't really do anything for him anyway? Is there a head special ed teacher or psychologist you could talk to?

Also, is there any chance you can move in order to get into a better school? Maybe rent for a while and try it out before making a more permanent commitment? Or do you think he would have the same issues no matter where he is? If so, then homeschooling or online school would make more sense.