It's hard to remember she is who she is and getting frustrated at her won't do anything but make it worse.
Hi there!
I have a DS8, also in second grade, who has many, many of the same sensitivities/triggers/issues that your daughter has. Unfortunately, instead of his challenges showing up as distress, he basically just gets angry and acts like a jerk. Like you, I'm lucky to have a good principal and teacher that want to understand and work with him.
As far as holding onto my sanity (and my hair - which I also often want to pull out) - I try to keep front of my mind that he is not intending to be a jerk, he just doesn't know how to control his big, Big, BIG emotions.
He's getting better over time, with encouragement and support from teachers and principal and unconditional love from his parents.
I try to make a point - especially when he has gotten in trouble - to show that I love him always and forever. It sounds trivial, but I think it really helps.
The things that have made it possible for me to do that have been the various PG resources: neuropsych assessment and recommendations by a gifted kid specialist, this board, Davidson resources, etc. They helped me understand how hard he is struggling, how much harder he is trying than other kids, even though he still has a harder time in school than most. It also helps that these resources (usually) make it possible for me to put blinders on as to folks who judge. They don't know what he struggles with, so their input has to be irrelevant (even if it stings). The sentence I quoted above makes me think you might already be doing a good job at this!
One last thought - though it makes day-to-day life challenging, I've come to be grateful that he manifests his struggles this "angry" way - even if it causes us both grief and anxiety. For kids who manifest the struggles only internally - outwardly appearing to be okay, maybe a little isolated or lonely or sad, but nothing to trigger "those meetings" - well it seems so much harder for parents and teachers of those kids to spot the problem. And it's so much more likely for the problem to grow and grow, percolating under the surface, until it causes bigger problems that are harder to handle.
So maybe try to think of her meltdowns as her highly effective call for help at a time when her world is better suited to help her grow and adjust than it will be 3 or 5 or 10 years from now when it otherwise might pop out?
Regards from a kindred mom,
Sue
