You've received great advice above, about focusing on each child's needs. I'll just add that "special snowflake" is a derogatory term. A special snowflake is not necessarily an intellectually gifted child... and an intellectually gifted child is not necessarily a "special snowflake".
I am afraid that if I bring up the other child it will just sound like I think that my children are all gifted
Actually they are, aren't they. As you have previously mentioned that that both of your children have tested as gifted and are DYS, this ought not be a concern: When both of your children are intellectually gifted, it is right that a parent would think that both children are intellectually gifted... this is not "special snowflake syndrome."
Advocacy can be difficult and time-consuming. You mention a dearth of "accommodations"; the term accommodations most often refers to steps taken to assist a child with deficits, such as remediation/accommodation for learning difference/disability or the second "e" for a 2e child. On the gifted side, the terms "challenge" and "advanced curriculum" are more often used. In order for responses to be tailored toward your present circumstances, which type of services are you having difficulty obtaining? Both?
