Val,
Thanks for bringing some balance to the conversation. I would go further than that and say that for families not in the top 25% of income, the cheapest 4-year colleges are likely to be elite colleges that are need-blind. About 20% of Harvard students' families pay nothing. Stanford is tuition free up to a household income of $125K.
The cost for private schools rises rapidly from there, and I would estimate that the most pain (as a percentage of income) happens roughly around $200-250K. Families making considerably more than that can comfortably write a check without noticing, and that assumes the unlikely scenario they haven't already saved it ahead of time.
So as a percentage of the total population, it is a fairly small demographic where private schools are more painfully expensive than public schools. The reason this small demographic gets so much attention though is that they are the middle class strivers for whom sending their kids to college is important.
For those in this situation, I recommend sorting potential colleges based upon biggest endowment per student. The ones with the most endowment funds per student are more likely to provide scholarships over loans.
