Aeh thank you so much for your input. I have more relevant info re: some of your points but will wait until I am on computer instead of phone. Eco thankfully I am 100% certain not RAD but we can't take attachment for granted and I think I need to be way more intentional about implementing this kind of approach- Trust Based Relational Intervention: http://www.child.tcu.edu/Articles/TBRI%20Principles%20and%20Practices_Both.pdf

I am sure that she could benefit from a professional with experience with attachment and trauma, and I think I have found a psych who may be a good fit.