"He was kind, caring, courteous, communicative and has worked really hard to fix both an immediate and a longstanding problem that we have had fobbed off before."
Hey Cola -
Many of us have been/are in your shoes. It's so hard, and so lonely. As result when somebody like ndw's phone man actually tries to help, I seriously am reduced to tears. The phone man thinks I am kooky. I think so, too! But I'm just so grateful for help - any help, that it just guts me!
I've talked about this a lot lately. But I'll just repeat: on the really hard days, remind yourself that, very likely, it's not that your child "won't." Probably, your child "can't." That doesn't mean the child doesn't need to learn how. But it re-casts your mental position. It gives you the strength to realize that your child is trying, and will be able to do ... these typical things ... more or less ... some day. But mostly it frees you from anger at your child and yourself for the fact that right now the child isn't meeting certain norms. It's not a matter of "won't" or something you are doing wrong as a parent. It's a matter of "can't."
One more thing - "can't" is probably really "can't YET." That's where our role as parents lies.
And don't ever lose sight of the soaring "CAN" things your kiddo has. Sometimes it's just - wow. Like today, when I picked up DS7 and he had just finished teaching a fourth grade kid what "attribute" meant, and how understanding a person's "attributes" helps you understand what is easy or hard for that person. And the big kid was just nodding at my son with big eyes and said "thanks, man" when DS left. [And - thank you to the great teacher who let me in on what had transpired!].
Know you are not alone,
Sue
Last edited by suevv; 02/10/15 08:33 PM.
