Thank you all for your responses. As I expected, you helped me resolve to test her -- you're all right, she may surprise everyone!
As for the sibling issue, you're also right. In an ideal world, I wouldn't share the numbers with either of them. And *I* would never share one child's scores with the other. Unfortunately, I have shared DS's scores with him; I did not tell him after we found out, however he finally *asked* me (nearly a year later! I hadn't purposely not shared them, I just ... didn't) and I felt no need to keep them from him. We did talk about the fact that all that it meant was we had affirmation of his areas of relative strength and weakness, etc.; as well as the fact that those numbers mean very little if you don't make effort and all that. I will just have to have a separate conversation with him about being mature and NOT sharing his scores with her. He knows not to talk about it with anyone else, so he'll likely understand... He truly has no frame of reference for what those actual numbers mean or anything else, so likely he won't remember what they are, just that his strength is in the verbal area, and that it was quite high.
The difficulty will arise when *she* finds out I have her results; if she decides she wants to know it will be very hard to keep them from her. If I don't tell her her scores, she'll be mad. If I hide them, she'll find them, if she really decides she wants to know (she is highly persistent.. it'll serve her well someday! .. unfortunately she's also the ultimate sneak, be it treats or whatever else she wants). Likewise, if she decides she wants to 'compare' she'll hassle DS until he gives up *something* (as I said, it won't be a number, b/c he won't remember them). As several folks alluded to, she's got some other issues going on (we are aware, and hence the desire to be extra sensitive to all this!). All that said, I"m not sure how comfortable I am telling her that I won't tell her, either, if she asks point blank. You all think I shouldn't?
I suppose I can overthink all of this until the cows come home -- its not going to make any difference how many bad scenarios I envision. :-) Thank you ALL on the advice to go for it anyway (you're right, if its not this to be competitive/jealous about, it'll be something else).
Oh, and just fyi, we are pursuing therapy for her. Both kids actually. Different reasons. DS more just to help him with strategies for dealing with relative weaknesses (if anyone wants to chime in on issues arising with a significantly lower processing speed -- DS's is over 60 points lower than his verbal, which is his highest score), asynchronous development and feelings of loneliness (he's noticing that other kids don't always understand what he's talking about - part of that is truly his level of comprehension is higher, but some of it is his tendency toward stream-of-consciousness speaking, and starting a story halfway through! LOL). For DD its figuring out how to get her to accept help with her extremely strong feelings and find strategies that she'll accept for managing them. I've tried (but deep breaths are "for babies" as are workbooks on anger management and negative thinking; meditation is "dumb"). She's highly volatile - has been all her life, and a very, very negative thinker. Definitely a strong willed, persistent kiddo. In her better moments I can talk with her about how so many of her personality traits will serve her well in life (and I do, I really do!) and even joke with her about 'using her powers for good'. I want to help her before any even more negative patterns set in, and before puberty rears its ugly head. :-) If anyone knows of a good therapist in the Boston area (especially someone with experience with gifted kids) - let me know! Message me or respond here.
