We are off to a rough start with school.
We started our DS4 in a montessori preschool last year and he was miserable. Teachers were seeing depression, anxiety and aggression. Plus he didn't engage in "the work." At their suggestion we had him evaluated (observations, testing, etc.). The studies results placed him at 99.8 percentile with a 143 GAI (probably higher since he didn't fully engage in all tests). They found no signs of ADHD, ODD or otherwise but he did display some impulse and focus issues (he was 3 at the time though.) They suggested our problems were rooted in a bad fit with the montessori method and suggested that we place him in a high quality play based preschool and accelerate him into the 4 year old class and kindergarten next. I say accelerate but really it's just accelerating him by a few weeks since he's just 4 weeks shy of the age cutoff.
Fast forward to this year. He's now in a very good play based preschool. It's a very small class with just 7 kids and a good, but somewhat rigid teacher. He seems much happier than last year and they are not seeing any depression or anxiety which is good, however there are behavioral concerns. He has a hard time with self control at circle time (fidgeting and not keeping his hands to himself), he's overexcited at recess which can lead to pushing, etc. and he can be rather defiant with his teacher. I'm noticing a trend that the problems stem from circle (boredom?) and free play time (social issues?). I think at recess it's a combination of overexcited and over sensitivities with the 2 other boys. He just hasn't yet mastered how to control his energy so he's overwhelming for the other kids turns into a vicious circle (he gets a little to crazy so they don't want to play with him which, in turn hurts his feelings so he's even crazier because he doesn't know how to manage the feelings.)
Lot's of background music.... here's my question: HOW DO I HELP HIM? I think some of this relates back to his giftedness and seeing it through the gifted glasses helps me to understand the causes, but I still don't know how to help him. He clearly needs to learn how to behave in a group setting and he's going to have to learn how to manage through things that bore him. And he has to learn that he can't be rude and defiant with his teacher. That's all clear. But HOW DO I HELP HIM LEARN IT? His school set up a sticker program but that doesn't seem to help since it doesn't address the triggers.
Any advice from people who have been there done that? I use a 1 2 3 system at home that seems to work and at home he's definitely a ball of energy and nonstop questions but generally he's delightful. Challenging but delightful. My concern is school. I think he needs to learn these subtle social things but I'm at a loss for how to help him.
