geofizz: Oh, no, it's definitely not on her to teach that, and that particular statement is one that could use some elucidation.
Basically, what I'm trying to say there is this: Hiding her feelings would make it difficult for the boys to recognize that they've done anything wrong.
This of it this way... when puppies play with each other, they get as rough as they like, until one yips. Then they pause a bit. The play may begin again moments later, but with less intensity. In this way, they're learning from each other how to play without causing hurt. Owners of new puppies do the same thing, and the training process often involves owners exaggerating their pain response to teach them not to bite.
Children (both genders) do this too, when they engage in rough play. Someone says "ow!", and the game stops, even if only briefly, and there's a conversation about what hurts, and how it happened. Basically what I'm looking for here are ways a girl can say "ow!" outside of the context of rough play.
And apart from that, I would want to be giving my DD something that she can do to help the situation, because adults aren't always going to be observing, and even in directly observing, can't always be counted on to do the right thing.
The crying example is extreme, and will not always be the best way to communicate this, but when a boy sees a girl crying over what he sees as normal behavior, it should get his attention. That's as alien to him as his rude behavior leading up to it was to her.
Any other methods of communicating her "ow!" would be helpful, but the important thing is that the communication happens, and that it happens in the moment, so the boys can immediately connect their actions with her reactions. Without that vital feedback loop, it would be extremely difficult to change their behavior.
