would it help your DD to look at it from the lens of - if she does not help herself first, she can not help others (yes, sort of like that emergency demo they do on airplanes - put the O2 mask on yourself first, then help someone else.) Similar to if you (mom/dad) can not take care of yourself, it would be hard to take care of your family and others you care about.

I am sorry to hear about your friend's grandson.