What Dude and ZS said.
Also-- aeh has lovely thoughtful advice as usual.
We, too, have a child with a high need for agency/control/autonomy, though it can manifest as a mosaic in her everyday life. Some situations, she requires no input, and others she is deeply oppositional and suspicious/uncooperative without it. It's a bit unpredictable. We've learned to take the temperature with any major decision so that we don't accidentally assume that she won't care about something we've decided (or a choice that we think is rather obviously one-sided in terms of merit/risk).
