thank you!!!
Sorry I should have said: we're in South Africa... no IEPs/504s/gifted programs. There is one school for gifted kids in the country... they abolished/allowed all the extension programs to fall apart after 1994, as at the time they were filled with already advantaged kids and not enough previously disadvantaged kids. I'm stopping here before I go all political. Don't misunderstand - I am so grateful for all the changes, I'm proud to have had Nelson Mandela and all the others who stood with him to bring about change, but I'm also disappointed that some of those changes have turned out not to be for the best in the long run.
Anyway... re the SPD, he has had OT for almost 2 years and the vast majority of the hyper/hypos that were causing issues have been resolved - the OT said there's basically nothing left for her to work on. He also did The Listening Program with her and that also helped. There are still small issues with hand muscle strength and pencil grip (he has poor handwriting), but apart from working with play doh and using a pencil grip, there's not much more to do but practice - all the sensory stuff checks out within normal ranges now, he is coping with all the stimulation that used to cause meltdowns and shutdowns - or at least at this time, it seems these are "background" issues, not the main attraction.
The psychologist he is seeing for play therapy is working to address general anxiety that is related to school. Now to me, when we had the feedback session and she told us that the poor educational/academic/social fit of the school is what's causing the anxiety, I just wanted to take him out of school.. as in THAT DAY. But then she said she feels it would be best for him to finish the school year (sorry, ours generally run January to December, varies between public (gov) and private schools), and then start at the new one next year... to be honest this just doesn't make sense to me. She said herself it's a vicious cycle, poor school fit leading to anxiety leading to poor performance leading to more anxiety. I'm not sure if she just meant that IF we are going to change schools, it might be less stressful to do it after he finishes the year - new kids don't stick out as much at the beginning of the year?
But in light of this most recent meeting, I just can't see that this can be ok.
We are planning to talk to DS tonight... I want to chat about what's causing him to behave like this at school - as in, it seems like he's really not happy there right now and I just want to ask if there's a problem he's having that we can maybe help him with. He just seems so unhappy and that really upsets me. He has the potential to do well - perhaps very well - but without his needs being met, without him feeling he is being respected as a person, I don't think he's going to feel very happy at all.
The school actually twisted stuff back on that line - the HOD said to her, emotional and social happiness is far more important than academic success... it's kind of ironic that she can't see that I'm saying the same thing, but pushing in the opposite direction... he doesn't need more of the same basic crud he's been suffering through for 3 years, in a class full of average to possibly high-average ability kids, he needs MORE new stuff to excite and challenge him, kids who are reading the same books, thinking at the same level and find the same things interesting - whether they're the same age or not doesn't matter!
Right now I feel like pulling him out and homeschooling at least till the end of the year and then trying a private school next year - if we go back at all! His best friend is homeschooled and he fell in love with the idea, but I think he also fell in love with the idea of me being at home with him all day, which just isn't possible for us right now.
Oh... the gov here doesn't have any policies on gifted education at all. They have an "Inclusive education" policy, but this runs more along the lines of including kids with learning disorders than those with above average ability. They talk loosely about "differentiating curriculum" but this is not a reality in the classrooms. The HOD actually told me that the government doesn't allow them to accelerate kids above grade level... until you've done everything for the grade and are physically moved to another grade, they supposedly can't give more advanced material. They are also apparently not allowed to grade-skip a child. Repeating is wide-spread and common (a little TOO common). But advancement? Nope... unheard of. Unless you start your whole school career "early", they don't allow it.
Leaves us with very little in terms of options.
