I have tried asking around to see what other kids get and have been told that some schools do offer social skills groups for kids with ASDs.
One thing you might also ask around about is - does the charter school you are looking at seem to be willing to offer services to students who qualify or are they resistant (not just to your quest, but to other families). You could as the same of the other non-charter school also. If you're hearing that other schools in the district offer social skills services to children with ASD diagnoses, and you *aren't* seeing or hearing that at the schools you're looking at, that, combined with the things they've told you, is potentially a red flag that you're looking at schools that are not *wanting* to offer services and that may be difficult both to advocate with and to get adequate services and follow-through for them from once you have successfully advocated for them. That doesn't mean it will be impossible, just means it may be a bit of a fight (which you've already run into) plus it may mean that having an advocate to help guide you through the process will be important, if you can find one.
It's also probably worth letting yourself know - if they are making statements that are put out as a means of putting up a brick wall and discouraging you from proceeding further with a request for services (statements such as saying things like a student "can't qualify if they are working at grade level" etc), they may be assuming you are going to be intimidated by the statements and give up without understanding what they legally have to offer, what the legal process is, and what your ds is entitled to under the law. So sometimes things as simple as turning in a written request (see below) or mentioning FAPE etc will get you past this type of brick wall. I can tell you're well on your way to doing this, just mentioned it in case you are discouraged!
Another tactic that I used that worked well for responding to the nonsensical push-back that school staff would say at times was to always follow-up every phone call, every conversation, every meeting, with an email summarizing what I understood was said (emphasis on "I understood") and giving the other party a chance to respond with "that's not what we said". It not only clarifies that what they said (because they really did say it) wasn't appropriate, and it gives you a written record of what they can/are telling you officially at that point in time, that you can refer back to when you need to.
My son (as aeh mentioned) scores under ASD cutoffs but still elevated relative to normative scores. I asked the school if getting him an ASD diagnosis would help, but they said it would make no difference.
I am not an expert on IEPs, but fwiw, the students who qualify with ASD in our school district are qualified under "OHI" (Otherwise Health Impaired) - and I think you might be able to use that same qualifying "route" even if you don't have an ASD diagnosis. What you'd most likely need is a letter from a medical dr or psych stating the challenges and degree to which they impact your ds. The school will want to do their own evaluation, but if you have a letter from a medical dr and you submit a written request for an eligibility review, the school will have to at least call a team meeting and decide at that team meeting to either proceed with an eligibility review or give you a reason they feel it's not necessary. If they refuse to provide the eligibility review, you have a certain time period to appeal the decision.
I have come to think that his biggest problems are impulse control (i.e., he wants to be well-behaved in class but just can't resist getting up to play even though he tries) and social communication (he takes longer to express things than other kids at school, even though he speaks rapidly at home when comfortable, so other kids start talking over him).
I'm not sure what I could ask for that would help with the impulse control. For communication, he needs someone to take the time to let him express himself if there is a problem - and that seems an easy fix that doesn't often happen (which is why he spent an afternoon in the principal's office by himself after someone else took his lunchbox).
I can't really think of anything specific re either at the moment but these are both issues that can be handled through accommodations, plus possibly issues that your ds would benefit from instruction in. I would consider using the example of how he sat in the principal's office as (I'm guessing) a consequence as a reason that he *needs* an IEP or a 504 plan for these situations. The response (on the part of the school) to a challenge needs to be appropriate, not punitive. Nothing is gained from any direction by putting a child in the principal's office all afternoon for a behavior (or other) issue that isn't due to willful bad behavior. First, a child should never be punished for something that they don't know how to do or don't have the control or ability to accomplish. Second, while he is sitting in the principal's office he is missing out on whatever learning is going on in the classroom, which means he's missing out on his FAPE.
In situations like this, it's convenient to have a "label" for the issue because you can state that the school can't punish a child for a behavior related to their disability. Even though your child doesn't have that "label" you can still express concern about the appropriateness of the consequence based on his known challenges, and also keep this as an example of why he needs an IEP/504.
Hope that makes sense!
Best wishes,
polarbear
