For my youngest, who seems to have the biggest issue with black and white thinking and wanting to control play and interaction, I gave him black and white rules about what was and wasn't allowed if he wanted to have friends over or to be allowed to hang out with his older siblings and their friends. "You may not make up new rules for whatever game you are playing." "You are not in charge; you are a guest. If you try to be in charge, you will be required to leave the group." "It is not ok to make up games that make your friends feel stupid. It is your job to find something to do that everyone can like if you want to suggest an activity."
It really helped. Once he understood the rules, he was - for the most part - willing to live within the rules. And when he didn't, I made sure to back up what I said would happen.
It stopped the crazy-making for me when I stopped trying to get him to understand the rules instead of just making rules that helped him navigate the social nuances.
