Ebeth,
It sounds like he has good instincts.
He is going to have to learn how to defend himself. Today its the neighborhood sociopath-in-waiting. Tomorrow its the VP of Operations who is getting divorced who he has just pissed off with bad news. He has to develop his own code of conduct and learn to manage people as they are, not as he wishes them to be.
I had some of the same issues your son did at his age. The only way I worked through them was to stand up to the bullies by fighting them physically on a legitimate basis. What I did to deal with them was on the advice of an older adult male. It was very specific and I won't go into it here, but it worked. He should get the same advice from someone who will support him.
I know that some intellectually gifted people are turned off by the cult of the body and violence. But its a fact that some people cannot be reasoned with and nor can they be avoided. What will you do?
My personal philosophy is that there is a boundary to behaviors and words. Once someone crosses that boundary, then my interaction with with them is no longer governed by reason and discussion, but by force or lies and its legitimate to use both to rid myself of their presence or at least control them. In fact, its the only moral thing to do.
In your son's case, he needs to do some politicking and pick the kids off from the bully by spending time with each one one-on-one such that information and things are shared without the bully controlling the flow. He needs to pick one as a friend and then they go do something together. And then do it with another. If its not an intellectual thing, then it can be something as simple as putt-putt golf or videogames in your house and sleepovers. You can facilitate this by working with the parents and developing your own rappor. At some point he can convert the bully to his friend - but he may just need to control him by manipulating him either with words or fear since it sounds like the bully is also a liar and may just be a
sociopath.
As for
MMA - the problem with most martial arts is that they are Decadent - mumbo jumbo. 99% of what they teach has ZERO to do with actually winning a fight. MMA means Mixed Martial Arts. It takes what works from all the disciplines and then tests this fusion in an actual public fight. MMA stresses the fight continuum - the first few seconds and the conditioning aspect as well.
Here is a link. I would email Marc Denny ( he is the top dog ) a short synopsis of your situation and ask for an instructor or mentor in your area. Then go see him or her. Marc is a HIGHLY respected MMA instructor and writer. He is also a first rate intellectual - no doubt GT - and an Attorney. He is also very humble and accessible.
http://www.dogbrothers.com/pages/instructors_dbmaainstructors.htmlI would add that by learning from a real fighter, he will see that the actual fight is just the last 1% of the conflict. How he projects himself, how he talks, how he stands determines if he is ever in a fight. It will also give him an internal compass - he will know he can take anyone in the room so what is the point even giving this creep the time of day. He also learns from getting hurt in training that fighting has consquences and he will come to respect his trainer such that he will never lose that respect by fighting for fighting's sake or using his skills to inflict unnecessary pain.
The only other thing I would add is that I do not allow strikes to my head in practice or otherwise because my mind is my most prized possession. I don't head the ball in soccer and always avoided head on hits in football. Lots of studies have shown that repeated hits in all sports really hurts the brain!!!
