One suggestion I though of later today. What is her hand writing like? If she can is happy to write and can write some of her letters. I would have her write out the words she is learning. For some kids this really helps the brain connect the shapes to the sounds. I think if you keep the lessons fun and follow her lead you can't go too wrong.
I understand about not wanting it to seem like you are hothousing your daughter. I went through this this year, not wanting to get my son a math tutor this year like most of his class. And part of it was stubbornness I wanted to be able to say that I wasn't pushing him into the top math.
I am sure it was sad to have your son stop wanting to be read to out loud, it was always an important part of our bedtime routine. When my son was reading well enough, I moved to reading him chapter books 2-3 years beyond his reading level. My son read young and well but didn't really want to read anything but non-fiction in K, so until 4th grade we read a chapter out of a fiction book together.
