Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Dd has been down lately

I met with the teacher today. The social worker spoke with her and offered suggestions outside of school that involve a taking turn type of situation with more than one friend that wouldn't allow dd to bow out. Bowling. That's what was suggested multiple times.

Well, for one... this is a problem in school more than at home. Yes she does still do better one on one with friends at home than if we were to have 2 friends over. But I can control and monitor the situation at home. Secondly, she doesn't like games. She doesn't like anything that involves competition and will not play them (ETA except chess but most of her friends don't play). She would rather watch kids play the wii than actually play it.

The teacher acknowledges that she sees the same thing with dd, where she will step away as soon as she is no longer one on one with a kid. She doesn't see what happens at recess or lunch, but I have communicated with the recess teacher and was told that she does the same thing during recess. The teacher didn't really have any suggestions as to how to help dd, only the stuff the social worker offered about outside of school. She did say she will talk to the OT (because I suggested perhaps it's sensory) but the OT is VERY part-time at the school, perhaps just a couple times a month. The lunch problem is that dd will often sit by herself (by choice) or if she sits with others she will turn sideways to not look at them. Once we were at a store and a girl a little younger than dd was looking at her and dd turned sideways to avoid looking at her. I could tell she was very uncomfortable.

Dd is very good at hiding her feelings and fitting in. I told the teacher this. So it's subtle and may not be as noticeable in the classroom.

Do any of you have any suggestions that I could give to the teacher to help with the recess issue? In the past dd has always enjoyed conversations with the recess monitor, she considers her a very good friend. But the recess monitor doesn't want them chatting with her b/c she wants them to get out and socializing. I was thinking of maybe having the recess monitor let dd chat with her if she wants to.

Or perhaps assign dd a buddy, maybe an older girl in the class (it's a 2/3 class) that will see that dd isn't alone at recess. Or maybe a buddy spot that can be designated for all the kids that they can sit at at recess that basically says "hey I could use a friend, anybody want to include me?"

I really don't know. The teacher wanted to really get some strategies to help with but I kind of feel that it may be important to get to the root of the issue since this has something that has been ongoing for as long as I can remember.