I really appreciate the info, everyone. This is helping me to know how to respond to my DD. I was feeling as though I wasn't handling this well-- or that maybe I wasn't being "fair" about it, given my bias.
You're absolutely being "fair" about it based on your experience, however, the problem isn't in your view but that of your daughter. The older she gets the less likely you'll be able to force your experience and opinion upon her and the more she's going to have to learn for herself, the trick them is to help her learning come with the least pain.
Once my boys hit about 15, we started having more and more discussions about calculated risk, personal responsibility, and ramification of actions as thought patterns when decision making. Those topics have been key in my eldest son's current mindset much more so than I'd ever dreamed they would be.
Trust me when I say that such discussions have been a major feature of parenting my particular child all along-- she's NEVER been very compliant with "because I said so" or authoritarian pronouncements from on-high.
We "forbid" pretty much nothing-- we may
discourage things, and offer reasons why we "can't support that decision," for example.
ETA: Of course, she's never asked to go to a Pedo-event, either... we'd respond about the way Dude envisions, on that score.
We HAVE talked to her (she initiated the conversation) re: food and beverage
always being under your own control, never accepting an OPEN beverage from anyone (sealed bottled water/sodas or unopened cans only)... so it's not like this isn't something she is aware of. But I have been in that party scene, and I
know how things can go down when it's chaotic.
PB, it's good to hear your experience and MegMeg's.
I think
that is what is in my DD's head, anyway-- from talking with her it is, anyway. I suspect that the reality of the local Greek scene may not measure up, but that's for her to find out, I suppose. I could also have her talk to some faculty who are family friends, I guess.
That way the info is less suspect than if it comes directly from Mom and Dad.
