Oh Irena... I can hear your anguish. I would have hoped that the teacher could have allowed herself to see your DS's strengths but I guess I'm not really surprised that she didn't based on what you have reported here. In my experience these situations require presenting tangible evidence of your position. Something that shows you are not just looking for fault or validation. Something that even the most strident, oppositional player can't deny. Know what I mean?
"When they believe it they will see it." That became my mantra for a while.
In our case it was a "nice" but not very bright teacher who just could not understand DD's situation. I mean she really couldn't - it was way too complex for her to understand. According to DD she had the kids doing "worksheets, worksheets, worksheets - and when we're done with those it's more worksheets." She did not/could not/would not modify, accommodate or differentiate. Anything. The district provided a part time para to scribe for DD but when she was not in the room the teacher just expected DD to do it all herself. It was as if she thought if the para left the room so did DD's disabilities.
DH and I called a meeting with the SW and spec ed teacher. They started off telling us what a good match they thought this teacher was. She had a "pleasant demeanor" and "never raised her voice." I talked about the need for substance beneath the demeanor and got nowhere. However when I pulled out a series of papers DD completed when the para was in the room and a series of papers she completed when the para was out I got dumbfounded stares. I asked them to point to one example on any of the pages where the teacher had modified the assignment or accommodated DD's needs. "I'll take care of it" was the response from the spec ed teacher. I made clear that it wasn't my intent to embarrass someone in front of their colleagues but this could not continue. If I had to bring it up in front of the whole team at an IEP meeting I would but I sincerely hoped we could avoid that.
Spec ed teacher tried modifying everything herself after this and then she and SW recommended a full time para. It was a terrible solution that never worked but at least the issue saw the light of day.
So I would seek out your biggest supporter. Whoever "believes" it the most and approach them with your clear as day evidence. If they don't "take care of it" then be prepared to pull it out at your next team meeting.
It's terrible that she "sees" the bad because she believes it's there. Ugh... {{hug}}
