Wrt negotiation/manipulation my DW gets sucked in too. I never waver and overtime DD has come to accept this with me but will pull stunts with my DW that she would never try with me.
Even as a baby I could see my DD taking everything in like an alien and 'computing all the angles and vectors'. She has the memory of an elephant and is as relentless as a boa constrictor once she 'locks on'.
I love her dearly and it hurts inside sometimes but that's parenting and boundaries need to be set. She can talk her way out/ change my mind with a logical argument but tantrums/crying/meltdowns never sway me because I understand my DD because in a lot of ways she is my mini Me.
Bingo. This is our household to a tee-- with reversed genders in the parents, I mean. DD does this to her dad, but I'm wise to her.
One thing stands out to me here:
About 6 weeks ago DD3 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.
WHOAH.
Okay, unless one of you as parents has firsthand experience with T1D, this is a MONUMENTAL change, and while it sounds like you are coping quite well, this is a life event which is pretty much an 8.0 on the Richter scale.
Let me add to that-- 6 is little. HG or not, they are still little there.
Emotionally fragile/volatile is completely expected, I'd say. For all of you. If you
aren't freaking out-- or are doing it on the sly, your older DD may be worried that you aren't taking it seriously enough... or that she's feeling irrational for feeling the way that SHE does... and if you ARE freaking out around her, well, that has its own price.
Huge {hugs} for your family. I've lived with T1D in a family member, and it's scary, scary, scary. That first year is just a haze of painful adjustment, from what I've seen in other families. It was certainly true for us when my DD was diagnosed as a toddler-- we were NOT on our A game, parenting wise, for a very long time. Probably not until she was about 3, and she was diagnosed at 11mo.
Now-- I mention that because I think that an expectation that, just 6 weeks into things, your family will have a good handle on managing your feelings and anxiety... sorry, but that probably isn't going to happen so quickly. For any of you.
Not because you aren't trying, but because after something like this, it continues to kind of...
unfold in all of its dubious majesty for a while... like ripples reaching the edge of a pool. The hits just keep coming for about a year, as you realize that
"Oh yeah, THAT is different now, too," and adjust your lifestyle.
Here's what I would try.
If your DD tries an exploitative behavior, calmly investigate her claim of injury, and then have her "rest" alone. I used to do this with DD at this age for behavioral meltdowns of any cause. I'd send her to her room, or have her "just sit" for a while. Often she'd fall asleep, having worn herself out!! This way, there was no power struggle, she "won" nothing, and life went on without her having made much of an impact.
