I hear you about dreading a meeting! Our meetings have morphed into a ridiculous procedure that is impossible to schedule with 10 or 12 people there, and I can't figure out who is on our side and who isn't. Very uncomfortable to say the least.
If it really is ADHD, then he has a disability that they need to accommodate. The psych who assessed DD had a list of things that we can write into a 504 plan. So you would have more leverage to make them do what you want, but if they would do those things anyway, there is really no need to bother.
Just as one example--DD's teacher regularly keeps her in from recess to finish work. She knows about the ADHD, she read the psych report, but there is no official 504 (yet) to tell her that doing this is inappropriate. With the dx in his records, you wouldn't have to argue with every single teacher each year, it would be right there on paper. That's of course assuming he has ADHD, which he may not. But the psych who assessed DD said we could write a 504 for slow processing speed as well (not so sure how that would work as "slow processing" isn't a disability as far as I'm aware). I would just keep pushing for an eval and you might get something that can be written into the IEP to help your case. If not ADHD, maybe you can get other recommendations for appropriate learning environment.
