When our DD began experimenting with lying, around 3, we caught her at it several times, and then when she told us something later, we indicated how we couldn't be sure she was telling us the truth, because she'd lied before, and now we didn't know what to believe. That loss of trust stung her pretty badly. I also told an abbreviated version of The Boy Who Cried Wolf to her at least half a dozen times.
Yeah, this is exactly what we did with DD9. She still lies. Very, very well.
Yes, this.
Only mine is now 14, and STILL lies. Very, very well.
We've had the "loss of trust" talk-- many times, and starting when she was 18-24 months old and first tried out lying.
The bottom line is that there is frequently a better reward for skillful lying than for honesty-- and the older one gets, the more potent the reward versus the cost of being caught lying (after all, there IS a limit on the amount of punishment we can realistically dole out for the infraction, but her imagination and ingenuity are about the only limits on the reward side).
We've decided that we taught her good ethics and morals, and honestly, she DOES NOT lie about things that we (or others) mostly care about at this point. Would we prefer it if she were completely truthful? Of course.
But she's slippery like the very worst kind of caricature of a politician or lawyer. It's INSTINCTIVE for her.
Instead, we've tried to point out how wrong it is to
manipulate others-- because ultimately, THAT is the bigger issue. Lying? Pshaw-- that's NOTHING compared to telling the truth in order to get someone else to feel guilty enough to
do something you want to force them to do...
THAT is sociopathic. The problem with the boy who cried "Wolf!" isn't the lying-- it's the intention to manipulate others with that lie.
We still punish lying, but the fact is, anytime she gets away with it (which is most of the time, I suspect-- since unless
I am the one ferreting it out, nobody else seems to nail her butt to the wall) the behavior is reinforced.
