ABQMom,

I'm so sorry your son is having a difficult time. I was just watching a video posted on Blackcat's Processing Speed post, in which the lecturer made a brilliant point about teachers not willing to provide the necessary scaffolding for children who need it. One reason they cite most often is that it's not fair to the other kids, but he argues the definition of fair isn't that everyone receive the same, but rather, that everyone receives what he or she needs. As illustration, he said to the grownups in the room, if one of you were to fall to the floor with a failing heart I wouldn't deny you help because it wouldn't be fair to the other adults in the room. Why do we do this to our kids?
Have you heard of this book: http://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Revolutionary-Executive/dp/1593854455

It may be of some help if you don't already have it...