I can understand why you'd be hesitant of the ED label for a variety of reasons, especially when the district seems to 1) determine placement based on categories rather than actual needs and 2) completely ignore LRE. You'd have to change their mindset to get them to implement IDEA correctly and it'd be an uphill battle. Again, I can understand why you don't want to find your family tangled up in their mess.
Right now, requesting a 504 plan seems like the most sensible course of action to me. Her ability to learn appropriate social behaviors in school setting is impaired due to her disability so she should qualify for it and it'd protect her from suspension and expulsion stemming from incidents that are manifestation of her disability.
She might be okay during the first few months. Even after her honeymoon period, she might end up surprising everyone in the best possible way.
