On the "doing your best":
At one point we mapped out effort and results for a whole bunch of different tasks. We drew out little thermometers, and talked about what things needed 100% effort (timed arithmetic tests), what needed 85% effort (most longer assignments that tend to be more difficult), and what can have ~50% effort (silent reading time). We then mapped what kind of score was appropriate for each task, gauged on DD's particular strengths and weaknesses, and if the effort level wasn't getting the expected results, it was time to change the form of the effort -- change approach -- not necessarily the effort level.
I don't ask what was learned either. I do think my kids learn at school, though they aren't exactly aware of it. I ask specifics "what did you write about today?" "what are you working on in math?" instead.
