I have some funding to lead a new small organization. I'm pretty happy right now. It's small but we like to think we do meaningful work.
It is my intellectual and emotional OEs that get me into trouble. Even among my smart colleagues I rarely find people who are truly curious about the world, who are driven to make difficult choices and have uncomfortable conversations to orchestrate the best possible outcomes. I'm not talking about being an a@&hole, just the opposite, but being morally courageous, kind, speaking up in the face of obviously flawed consensus and so on.
Most of your post describes me very well. I choke on organizational politics. I. am. not. capable. in. that. regard.
I've discovered that I do best when I'm either on my own or working with a small number of other bright, intense people who also get stuff done.
I had a high-paying job from 2008 to 2011. The money was great, but the ossification of my brain was
not. I used to dread going to work. I liked my coworkers and was quite happy in that regard. My boss was riding high on his ego and that was a problem, though. So was a large part of the work. By the last few months, I had to force myself to focus on one (large) segment of my work. IMO, employees (and especially gifties) need stimulation to stay happy and productive. It's a tragedy that many or most employers don't see that. It's a double tragedy when employers don't see that very bright people can thrive on problem-solving and on learning something new regularly, and that these traits can really boost an organization. My performance was best when I was spending around a quarter of my time doing new things or solving problems.
I would have been happy to plug away at the dull stuff if I'd been able to continue that way. But stuff got in the way.
This is very generalized, but it gives the basic idea.
