I know exactly what you are saying. I was told by gifted, structured school #1 that my son was not typically gifted and that I wanted him to be 'normal' like everyone else, but that we would have our own life and a very different one at that.
Well, I understood what she was saying, but I briefly taught in a public high school before I had ds7! I had enjoyed parts of school too (though not some of the bureaucracy or boring parts). And yet, part of me knew/knows that my son is not 'normal' and will never be 'normal.' I can't make him be if I tried. He's not going to have a similar public school experience that I had and that the majority of people have. But that doesn't mean he can't enjoy some elements of it elsewhere or in another capacity.
I also have to remind myself that ds7 is not me and he has his own thoughts, interests, and ways of doing things. Some we may share on; and others we may not or totally disagree on. And then there's the pgness which is another whole level outside most people's experience.
So, yes, I do 'get it' the sense of loss you feel. That's normal and expected. I still have that feeling some days. Why? Well, everyone goes to school (public or private). It's part of our culture and society today. Kids are not around during the day; they're in school and then usually after-school activities. Parents work. You know the deal.
To be honest, we didn't think of plan D (homeschool/unschool) either. It wasn't on my radar either, but then we were left without many options. I didn't know anyone who homeschooled or unschooled, except my niece in the UK - which was only very marginally helpful. I had no vision of what it entailed or how it would look or anything really. I felt so green. But I started to read a lot of books on unschooling or like Madeline Levine's book, Teach Your Children Well, to see another way of doing things and learning outside of traditional formal schooling. Then, I slowly started to meet up with people in my area too and see the kaleidoscope of people who are homeschooling and unschooling and started to feel less of a loss and less green.
I read somewhere that 90% of eg/pg kids are homeschooled at some point. I believe it. I just wish it was a better publicized and known fact than some secret that few of us seem to know.
I would take the situation as a learning process and learning curve. Think what can you learn or what can you discover and the situation becomes more enticing, or at least it did for me. Concentrate on the positives with homeschooling/unschooling and there are many.
