Ditto what Howler said.. and fwiw (sadly) - I've found through years of advocating for my 2e ds that sometimes the school staff will tell you things re IEPs etc that simply aren't true, and sometimes school staff are uninformed. You might be able to ask this question at wrightslaw.org and get an answer... or if you have a local parent's advocate group (that offers advice for free) I'd ask them how to respond to the school's insisting it's an "all or nothing IEP" now.
Re the gifted pull-out - all programs are going to be different. If this program is boring to your ds and you're not interested in it, take him out - I can't imagine putting in the time to drive to it every day just to have your ds sit and be bored.
FWIW, our local gifted pullout program sometimes seems not-so-out-of-the-ordinary compared to what kids in regular classrooms are doing - but I think that's a combination of *good* classroom programming in our local regular classrooms and maybe an expectation of something amazing and/or "out there" because it's aimed at gifted kids. Some of the projects my kids did were even repeated every year. BUT - there were three things about our program that were hugely beneficial to my kids and to all the other kids I've known who've been in it: the teachers were trained in gifted education, so they "got" the kids and they did challenge them to think deeper. The second thing was the kids loved being in the classroom with the other gifted kids - and with the overall faster pace of work and higher level of conversations. The third thing that was great - my kids just loved the program - way more than I thought they would! So have our friends' kids. It sounds like your program doesn't really meet any kind of need and isn't very satisfying to your ds, so I'd be inclined to opt out.
Best wishes,
polarbear
