Absolutely, if you haven't already been there, take a look at wrightslaw.org and if at all possible, find a copy of their books (From Emotions to Advocacy and there's a second book that is an overview of how to approach the IEP eligibility process.. I can't remember the name of it at the moment). You should also look at the links on the wrightslaw yellow pages and see if there are any resources for either advocates or legal advice in your area - we have two groups where we live that are funded by Federal $ that help in situations like this, one has parent advocates who will answer questions and guide you through the eligibility process (including accompanying you to school meetings) and the other provides legal advice to people with disabilities. Both are *free*. You might or might not have similar groups available where you live, but definitely look and see if there are any resources - the advice we received from these groups was what helped us the most in getting an IEP for our 2e ds.
You need to do what I mentioned above no matter whether or not you leave your ds in his current school situation.
My next piece of advice is of course said without knowing anything about why you picked your ds' current school, so take that into account. FWIW, I'd take him *out* of the school he's in *immediately*. You mentioned it's a charter school, so he must have at the very least a neighborhood school he can attend instead. Please know we've been in a very *very* similar situation (although our ds has a different 2e challenge). We had ds enrolled in an optional school program that we thought was *the* ideal place to have a highly gifted child, as well as a program that we thought had some really *really* great reasons to be in outside of simply the academics. I really really wanted that program to work for our family because *I* loved the idea of it. When our ds was diagnosed in 2nd grade his anxiety was sooooo huge that he was having panic attacks at home (as well as at school) and according to his neuropaychologist he was on the verge of being clinically depressed. Our neuropsychologist, among her many recommendations for accommodations and remediations for ds' disability told us that we should take him out of the school immediately and suggested alternatives - and told us that honestly *any* alternative would be better than the school situation he was in. We still loved the school (or at least the idea of the school) so we switched teachers instead of schools, thinking that would be enough, and it did help temporarily and tremendously. So we thought we were good. Then we entered the whole process of trying to get an IEP and get help for our ds and it was absolutely a living nightmare. The school fought us all the way, but they couldn't ultimately say no because our ds qualified for an IEP and had a clear need under SLD. We would *never* have gotten that IEP without a ton of advocacy/fighting/etc and it literally consumed my life for over two years. I thought once we had that IEP things would be better, but the reality is our ds *still* was in the same school with the same teachers and administrators who didn't think he a) deserved to have an IEP because he had such a high IQ, b) who continued to try to tell us all the reasons he didn't need an IEP and continued to try to blame him for the impacts of his disability, and c) didn't follow through on the accommodations and help that were supposed to be provided by his IEP.
While all that was going on, our ds was also not receiving any type of differentiated instruction. Our ds is a quiet, basically submissive kid who was not complaining about any of that, and we didn't see it both because I was so caught up in always having to be advocating for something for him at school that wasn't happening, and because dealing with his disability in general took up so much focus and energy. When he was in 5th grade, he finally told us he was *done* with the school. He knew he had an IEP, he knew the school staff didn't want to help him and in addition to that he was bored to tears being in a regular ed classroom listening to lessons taught at what was a slow-poke speed for his intellectual ability. We consulted with our neuropsych again, and moved ds to a different school. The difference in school staff was like night and day - literally! The new school isn't ideal re academics, but it is soooo much different to be in a place where ds' disability isn't questioned, where parents are listened to with respect, and where the school staff clearly likes our ds. It's made all the difference in ds' life, as well as in my life.
So my advice is please please consider getting your ds out of his current school. Whether or not you are able to get an IEP you're not going to be able to fundamentally change the way the school staff feels about him, and spending time and $ on lawyers is time and $ that could have gone to other things that can help your ds. I'm also guessing that this isn't just about giftedness - if your ds *wasn't* gifted and even if he clearly was functioning way below grade level, I'm guessing the school staff at his school would still be fighting you tooth and nail. Just a guess, for sure, but it definitely sounds like your ds is in a school which is either not terribly concerned with or is purposely trying to dodge Federal Law re students with disabilities.
Sorry if that sounded harsh, I didn't mean it to at all. I just so wish I could have had someone tell that to *me* when my ds was 7.
Best wishes,
polarbear
