I realize that this is likely the "million dollar question" . . . but I'm asking it anyway, because I have been trying to formulate my thoughts and they keep coming back to this.
How do you know? How do you know how hard or far to "push" . . . how do you know how to maximize opportunity, while protecting childhood and age-mate friendships?
Our 2nd grade son will be accelerating into 3rd grade reading and math classes after winter break. It was suggested that the potential for him to go into 4th grade next fall, potentially doing 5th grade reading and math after THAT winter break, is a very real option. He'd then go into 6th grade in what would normally be his 4th grade year, however that would put him into our local middle school project which allows for easier acceleration and isn't as tied to "grades / age-level" like our elementary schools are.
So . . . with this comes all of the feelings of uncertainty, excitement, hope, you know the drill. Transitions and change have long been difficult for him, however he is excited about going into 3rd grade classes for the challenge . . . even though we know it won't be a challenge since he actually performs at a much higher level, like most of the kiddos here I'm guessing.
My other challenge is other adults. I realize this is MY challenge, or OUR challenge (but the hubs doesn't let things like this really register on his radar, and I am a teacher, so I hear it / feel it more). I hate feeling like I'm "bragging" whenever I ask for the thoughts of others on his progress and the decisions that we're facing. I hate the "don't you worry about him not being with his same-age peers" comments when we talk about acceleration.
I mean . . . yes, we do think about those things, but I've also read enough research and done enough thinking to realize that keeping with him kids his age purely for being with kids his age is the most ridiculous thing we can do. How
I guess I'm just new to this and looking for thoughts / support / advice . . .
I don't need to please other people or have them agree with me . . . but it is just another element in all of this. We do have wonderful support in our school, and I've been put in touch with a couple of local parents who will no doubt be great resources for us . . . but but but!
So much to think about. In short . . . how do you help your kiddos adjust to acceleration changes? How do you politely tell adults who think they know what is best for them to buzz off unless they put the time into knowing your child and the research?
How do you know how far to push / encourage your child while keeping the love of learning? Are baby steps a valid option even though it doesn't necessarily reach him at his level?
We did a grade-skip with our daughter this past year -- skipping 3rd grade so she's in 4th grade now. I'm also a teacher, so I understand how you feel when it comes to being surrounded by other people all day long who "understand" education and honestly ARE "experts" in education and the unsolicited opinions you may get. Honestly, though, we have had to deal with those attitudes from other adults MUCH less than I'd thought we would. For one thing, I try very hard to not bring it up. I honestly think about half of my colleagues -- who have known me for a long time -- don't even realize that my DD9 skipped a grade! They just know that she's in 4th grade, and I think they assume that they're just confused and don't want to admit to me that they don't know what grade she's
supposed to be in, so they play along and pretend like they've known all along that she's supposed to be in 4th grade this year.
I have to fight the urge at times to "explain" our decision when no one has actually even questioned it, just because I feel defensive and
assume that people are getting ready to ask about it. So, if people don't specifically ask about the grade skip, I don't say anything about it. The few times that people have asked something specific about it, I just usually say, "Well, it was just the best decision for all of us to make at the time and she's doing great!" and they very rarely ask any "follow-up" questions.
I sometimes have to "justify" it to myself in my own mind when I second-guess myself by remembering that we were not making the decision between having a "normal" 3rd grader this year and a "too-young" 4th grader this year. For our daughter -- just like for most of the kids we discuss on this forum -- "normal" hasn't been an option for a LONG time!!! We didn't push her to do something she wasn't ready for, we just refused to keep holding her back just because of her birthdate. It was a terrific decision and we have a happy 4th grader with plenty of friends who is still making straight As, but is
learning something every day and having to put some effort into those grades.
If I were you, I would take everything one step at a time. Don't commit to 6th-grade-as-a-4th-grader for him now. Just take the next step...and let him "wear that" for a bit to see how it feels. I really believe that you'll know when you've reached the "sweet spot." For us, I think DD9 would be fine academically if we skipped her another grade, but that really isn't on my radar right now because I feel like she's doing great where she is. If things stop feeling so great in another year or two, we may re-evaluate and move another step. I think baby steps are absolutely fine unless you're confident that giant steps will be best. I think the thing to realize is that you're not going to find the "perfect" fit for him -- you're just trying to find the balance that best meets his academic, social, physical, and emotional needs. I feel like we'd tip the academic scales too much one way if we had kept our daughter with her same-age peers...but I currently feel like we'd tip the emotional and social skills too much the other way if we'd accelerate her by a second grade level even if that would be an even-better academic fit...so this is her best fit for now.
One thing we've done to help my daughter adjust is to let her keep some "power" in terms of making decisions about whether or not she wants to accelerate a grade level in sports teams (some are age-based, but some are grade-based)...in summer camp...in church...etc. Mom and Dad get to make the school decisions, but the others are up to her (and she's elected to stay with same-age peers so far, though I anticipate her to change in another couple of years). We've also talked a lot along the way about the purpose of school and that school needs to be a place where you learn new things. Without the grade skip, she wasn't learning new things and she knew that. This mindset has also helped her handle some frustration along the way -- I don't understand this certain concept right now, but it's okay because I'm
supposed to be learning new things in school.
So, anyway, hope that helps some. I thing you just take it a step at a time if that's what you're comfortable with doing. You know your kid, and you know that you're doing all of this FOR him and not TO him. I think the other adults may be easier to handle than you assume. Best of luck with all of your decisions!
