Hey there, new poster here! This site seems great!
I have had a theory for a while now and would like to get your opinions! I realize that this post is quite long but I hope that you will take the time to read it as there are very few people who can understand these situations.
I know a teenage friend who is gifted, and an only child.
First I would like to note that I am not saying all only-children are this way but bear with me for a bit.
He is smart, that's for sure. But he is very arrogant. After knowing him for a while, I have learned that he has skipped a few grades and his parents have admitted to him that he is much smarter than them.
Over time, I have also noticed that he is selfish and manipulative and lacks morals. This is the part that really disturbs me. He has a sense of entitlement and feels that there is absolutely nothing wrong with manipulating others to get what he wants, justifying that, "They chose to do it for me," or "They wanted to do it." It is tough to explain to him why manipulating people is wrong, as it is often difficult to explain why certain things are morally right and wrong - "they just are".
I have noticed this behaviour in another friend of mine as well, a girl who is also smart and also an only child, with parents who do not seem confident about their own intellect.
My theory is that the combination of a being gifted child, being an only child, and parenting that is not (for lack of a better word) "strong" enough, can result in a manipulative, arrogant, or even unethical teenager.
For those of you who are wondering how being an only child can increase this behaviour, it's because if he/she had a sibling of similar intellect, they would challenge each other and so the gifted child would not only be surrounded by people who he/she can manipulate. i.e. they would realize that they are not the only one who is "so special" and "so smart". If they have no siblings to argue morality on the same level as them (assuming the parents are not up to it), then the gifted child grows up believing that whatever he does to get his way, is fine!
Lastly, I would just like to note that I truly believe that the arrogant teenager I know really has low self-esteem deep down. I believe that he was never brought up in an environment where he was told constantly that it was okay to be different, to be smart, to stand out. So, in accordance with another theory that I have, I believe that when gifted children/teens are not given the loving support that they need while growing up, they end up doing whatever they can to "survive" in this world, whether it's manipulation or arrogance.
Sometimes it makes me sad to see gifted teenagers who grow up to be like this, as I can see glimmers of hope when I talk to them
. I feel that they are naturally extremely sensitive and kind-hearted and can do so much for the world that others may not be able to do, but simply because of circumstances, they have grown up to be unconfident in themselves and manipulative.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it. Please let me know your opinions as honestly as possible!
-Venn
