I pretend there's a TV camera filming me which helps me to stay calm and yell less (as in, how would I feel if my parenting was broadcast on the evening news). Sometimes I have to yell, but it's short, like one BOOMING sentence to get their attention. Then I use the low, calm and angry voice (lol) and that works (they go running). I think it works because I have been ridiculously consistent with consequences and also because I don't yell as much (any more
) because of my "imaginary TV camera."
Mind you, my kids are 8 and 9, so this may lose its effectiveness in a couple of years.
Petunia how consistent have you been with consequences? I know it's hard sometimes. My husband is really lousy at it. He says ridiculous things like "No Halloween!" (um, really? you're really not going to take them out trick or treating? REALLY?) ...whereas I'll say "no electronics for one week" (or something like that) and we track it on the calendar and discuss it every day.
I would have a conversation with your son in a moment while you're both calm. Start with just one behaviour, and have a consequence planned. Explain that things need to change. Ask him why he's not cooperative (he might have what he thinks is a good reason - maybe he doesn't like touching dirty clothes or dishes - who knows). If you're both calm, you can open up a good dialogue. Let him have input as to how/when things are done. Then be very very clear. "You are expected to do this, or (consequence) will happen." ...and just follow through.
PS - more on the "good reason" concept: When I was a kid, I went through a phase where it took me FOREVER to eat my breakfast (Corn Flakes). My mom used to get so frustrated. I never told her (so how was she supposed to know to understand!!) that I was going through a phase where I thought there were spiders in the cereal, hiding under the flakes. I can't recall how old I was. Anyway, as a result, I ate the cereal one flake at a time. My poor mom, exasperated because I wouldn't listen when she'd ask me to hurry up, probably thought that I was ignoring her out of rudeness. She had no idea that my non-compliance was phobia-based.
