And as I've said, I'm really not convinced DD has ADHD--I think she's 'gaming the system' to get out of stuff she considers boring by, for example, going to the bathroom or going and getting a book to read.
My DD has spent a LOT of years using both of these things as avoidance tools. There's absolutely no pathology going on-- she's just figured out that these are generally techniques that result in at least SOME intrinsic reward in addition to the primary goal of avoidance, and tend to be less readily called out for what they are... and therefore, they are more
successful in terms of manipulation of the situation to what she sees as her advantage (wheee-- I didn't have to do math today! Bonus!).
I mention that because of this statement:
...the teacher is being as nice as possible and is really trying in her own way, so we really can't complain. But it's still very frustrating, especially because we have had some great teachers in the past and so I really think DD can succeed in the right environment, without medication.
That seems like a real red flag to me, though I'm admittedly no expert on either ADD or ASD. If she responds to some environments and people with completely appropriate behavior, then it doesn't seem very likely to me that this is either thing. Or am I misinterpreting that you've had prior placements that worked well?
Is it possible that your child has just figured out that this particular authority figure is especially amenable to this kind of manipulation?
Does your DD tend to manipulate adults in other situations when it suits her?
(Mine does, though it's very deft and very subtle-- it takes someone who REALLY knows her well to see it for what it is.)
