Astroboy, re your original questions
I was told that he is gifted, but does this seem right to you?
There are many different definitions of what is "gifted" relative to an IQ score. I personally think that 4 years old is so young to know whether or not you can trust that the score you get on a test is truly representative of a child's ability, especially when you have observations from the tester that the child wasn't attentive etc. OTOH, if you're looking at FSIQ to explain his behaviors that are challenging outside the home... and just fwiw, I think that when you read lists that describe the challenges potentially faced by high IQ kids, this wouldn't be an IQ that would place a child on that list - this is totally my take on it and I'm *not* in any way shape or form a professional, but from what I've observed it seems that the children who really are square-pegs in round holes due to high IQ are kids with *extremely* high IQs. I've also seen in our own school district school staff trying to place kids with moderately high IQs in that label of behavior-caused-by-IQ or "we can't accurately measure IQ due to behavior" etc as a way of dealing with behaviors that are causing a problem in the classroom.
When my son was two I was asked to keep him home on the day that an early childhood centre was being accredited by auditors. I was devastated.
I'm really sorry your ds has had troubles being accepted - I'm curious if the problems you've had are at *one* particular childhood center or at several different centers or situations. The reason this would be important to me as a parent is - it's quite possible to find your child in a situation where, for whatever reason, the adults he's with just don't like him or have a biased opinion and may make assumptions that are entirely inaccurate. The likelihood of that happening in multiple centers/situations is low. We had a ton of trouble with our older dd at one particular preschool - she was always in trouble, we were always hearing complaints, the staff tried to insist she was deaf at one point, things like that. We took her out of that preschool, put her into another preschool and we never ever heard anything remotely similar to those complaints again and the staff at the new preschool were stunned to hear about what had happened at the previous preschool. If we'd put her in that 2nd preschool and received similar reports of behavioral issues from the staff... that would send off a red flag for me that there was something important to consider in what we were hearing.
I also want to add that among all of the friends I have who are teachers and all the teachers I've known who have worked with my kids (preschool and regular school) - teachers don't talk to parents about regular rough-and-tumble boy stuff or routine quiet-introversion or regular routine difficulties with adjustments etc other than at conferences or if a parent asks. If a teacher is telling a parent that something is out of the ordinary, there's a very good likelihood it is out of the ordinary.
My son asked if he could give this young person with a disability a cuddle. Doesn't sound like violent and impulsive child does it? He certainly was the role model child that day!
My last 2 cents - I know a few children with autism and other developmental challenges. Behaviors aren't an all-or-nothing thing - like most children, they will have days when things go well and days when anxiety ramps up and life is challenging. They also have the capability of being extremely compassionate. I think that when we hear a label we sometimes think all-or-nothing and life really isn't like that for any of us.
Best wishes,
polarbear
