My DS6 is fairly good at internalizing rules and modelling behavior. How this plays out is that he "uses his words" politely and fully with an adult air. It's frustrating that this works quite poorly and comes off as annoying, but he is applying exactly the black and white rules inculcated through the school. It doesn't win friends or get consistent results.
There isn't much I could explain to him about the nuances. At some point the natural consqeuences will illustrate what is and isn't effective and hopefully he learns the complexities.
I think the word consequence has morphed in recent years into a poor synonym/PC term for punishment. Which makes the teacher's words sound harsher.
