I know how you feel about the hurt feelings. I'm also a SAHM, and although my husband is for the most part wonderful, respectful and supportive of me, there is the odd time he'll make a comment that makes me want to say: "YOU try, and see if you could do better!!" or "You're not the one with them all day so you don't see everything that happens."
Yes, your kids are just being normal kids
He doesn't understand that the same way you do though, because you're the child rearing specialist, not him (not that he wouldn't do a good job, it's just that you've spent more time doing it).
Sometimes I find it easier to change the way I react to my husband's comments rather than trying to change his opinion... lol
Re: tomato staking - I'm curious to see if it works. I'd never do it with my two kids - it sounds to me like it's more of a reward than a punishment, lol. Who knows though - you never know until you try.
