Hi, KD,
Sorry you're having trouble. Our DD8 was "tentatively" diagnosed earlier this year with ADHD, ODD, Asperger's, and dysgraphia (along with gifted). I've read James Webb's book on Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Kids and don't think she meets the full criteria for any of them (except maybe dysgraphia) although she definitely 'acts' ADHD at school and has some social issues that fit with some of the Asperger's criteria. She sometimes says stuff like "you hate me" when we disagree with her, but often says it out of frustration when she feels she is being treated unfairly and if we lay out consequences in advance so it is her choice (to continue and get the consequence) she generally accepts the responsibility. We took this online course called Positive Parenting Solutions that laid out that general approach and was very helpful, and I would say we have very few problems at home except that there is often a lot of "discussion" about what choices should be available unless we cut it off--but we can. School, especially this year, has been another matter because the teacher would not stop her from misbehaving until she got really annoyed and then would often give an unexpectedly harsh consequence, which drove DD nuts and led to lots of defiance. It sounds like your son has more serious anger issues, but maybe he feels like he doesn't have control over his environment and is getting frustrated and acting out. It's good you're going to a specialist--I hope it helps.
