This is why I don't understand why I am reacting so strongly and negatively to the prospect of the test.
I understand very well why you are reacting so strongly!
You have a lot of years of life ahead of you. If you want to get the most out of them, follow 2 of my favorite rules -
1) If you get 'hot and bothered' by something that you logically know is fairly reasonable, then journal or talk to a trusted person until the 'hot and bothered' feeling goes away.
2) If you hire a therapist, and they haven't already proven themselves to be untrustable, do what they say no matter how 'wrong' it sounds. If they do prove themselves to be untrustable, fire them and get another one.
So I have noticed that one of 'our' greatest vunerabilities is that we can talk ourselves into or outof anything, and we don't know everything there is to know about living. From the sound of your post, getting a good 'Psychoeducational evaluation' is a very good idea. Save 'how you'll feel when you get the news' for the day that you do actually get the news. You will probably be sitting across from a trained, experienced professional who will be able to help you untangle the confusions and your various thoughts and attitudes.
Lots of people have negative attitudes towards gifted people, there isn't anything magic about being gifted that protects us from having these same attitudes as everyone else.
Maybe you are doomed to a life that is exactly as bad as your life has always been. Maybe not. I hope you take a chance and find out, and them let us know. I can say that understanding myself in the context of my own giftedness has helped me have a much better life. In the meanwhile, read our posts and journal about what they remind you of.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
