Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research The Art of Rebuke, article link

Hi Grinity,

Thanks for this. It's actually really funny that you posted this just now. I am not Jewish and I have a good friend from out of town who is Jewish. We go on a ski weekend every year where we ski hard, eat well, laugh a lot, and she teaches me Yiddish. It's pretty fun. But she also rebukes me pretty constantly, to the point that I feel kind of beat up by the time I get home.

In the course of our 8 year tradition she has told me I have hearing loss (I don't), that I have asthma (she was right and as a result of her my whole family got diagnosed--what a blessing!); she had helped me with my winter driving (she was originally from Boston); she has made me take medicines I didn't want to and criticized my diet (even though she is the one who is gaining weight each year, not me); she has told me how to do my job and how do get along with my boss. But, right or wrong, it is a steady string of rebukes.

She and I have always been aware of our cultural difference and this topic came up over a fabulous dinner this year. She wanted to know why my Scandanavian friends and I just won't say when something is bothering us. She believes that we should get it out in the open and not let it fester. I told her that I prefer to work on myself and not on others, which only made a little sense to her. With that in mind, I loved this part of the article:


Clearly my reserved friends and me never get past these first two lines! LOL.

Anyway, I'll forward this to her. I did understand that there were cultural differences between us and differences in how we thought friends should talk to each other. But this explained her expectations perfectly. Here's to cross-cultrual skiing trips!!